Growing Up: Relationships

The second area I think I was mentored in the most is relationships. I stayed with an enormous number of married couples on my journey, and my favorite question to ask couples is "how did you meet?" Second favorite is probably "how did you know you wanted to marry them?" Third would be something like, "Do you have any words of wisdom for unmarried folks or younger couples?"

Here are some stories & advice that I remember:

- From my friend Cassandra, a memorable 3-pointer... 1) Make sure they're the one, 2) Make extra sure they're the one, and 3) Have only one person handle the money. (She used to work for a bank, and often draws up budgets for couples she is friends with to help them out.)

- From Andy Sanchez... Marry someone not because you can live with them, but because you can't live without them. Marry your best friend. And if they aren't someone you can't live without yet, keep dating them and give it more time.

- From Anonymous... I was unwilling to stay in an unhappy marriage because I had observed my parents do that for so long, so I talked to [my spouse] and said [this serious issue] needed to change or I would leave. [My spouse] knew I was serious, and changed. So we have a very happy marriage.

- From Anonymous... We have a good marriage, but it has been a difficult one. The year we married, we had [a severe incident] happen in our family, and spent a lot of time helping other folks and neglected our relationship. It was kind of a sandy foundation, not very strong. We've never been unfaithful, but we have had difficulty connecting ever since.

- From Anonymous (on counseling)... I came from a great family with no baggage, but the only thing I regret about our premarital counseling was that we didn't have more. Three years into our marriage we had some counseling, and I realized that in order to have a fair fight, I needed to give my husband time to think things over. I'm really good with saying things 'on the spot' so I'd win all the arguments. But then he'd bring the thing up again later when I thought we had already discussed it. So now, when we have to discuss something, even though it's hard for me, we'll agree to a time or day to discuss it and he'll have time to think things over in advance. That's helped a lot.

I wish I'd taken more notes during the trip because I know these weren't the only words of wisdom/experience that were shared with me. However, I think that time does the job sometimes of sorting out what you remember and carry with you. :) I hope these are helpful to y'all. Any other stories/advice you'd like to add to the mix?